Dear beloved,
There is a specific kind of silence that comes after being censored.
It is not the silence of rest.
It is not the silence of integration.
It is the silence of contraction.
The body pulls inward, still and cold.
The throat tightens. Hardens, full of anger.
The womb cools. cries. carries lack, emptiness.
The hands hesitate before making anything new. Before trusting what wants to come through me.
For those of us who create from the body, from queerness, from Blackness, from sensuality, from raw truth, censorship feels personal. Like , you simply are just not worthy and heck, you sure as hell do not belong.
Rejection often lands on the same nervous system pathways as abandonment. as being left, unloved, unwanted by your mother and father, the very people they say are supposed to love and care for you. So why and how could the world love and accept you or your art.
---
When Censorship Triggers the Old Wound
If you have ever been told:
• You are too much
• You are too sexual
• You are too political
• You are inappropriate
• You are not marketable
• You are dangerous
• You are “against culture”
All things iv been told multiple times on my journey of making Art, Apart from the obvious effects from being told these negative stories, my body remembers something older., more deeply engrained into my being.
My body remembers being silenced as a child.
Being punished for expressing anger, heck any emotion now that I come to think about it
Being shamed for my body. My mother called me a whore since I was 12 and by the time I was 14 I was desperately trying to be exactly just that and oh boy, the shame.
Being left when I was most open and vulnerable in relationships.
So when a platform removes your work, when a curator ignores your submission, when an algorithm buries your voice for the 100th time, your nervous system It interprets it as
**You are not safe to be seen. **
And that is where my abandonment wounds live.
On the journey of healing and transforming these wounds into medicine and purpose I have come to realize that there are many artists, humans who have this same exact shade of wound and that am not alone, this has given me the chance to open into the next chapter of my purpose, Bringing my Art and my Healing into one place, This Website means more to me than i thought was possible, simply as the representation of my hearts creations and soul work in this life time. Thank you for being here and sharing in this new chapter with me.
---
www.wildnakashwa.com
Abandonment wounds heal when we remain with ourselves.
And creativity returns when the body feels chosen.
Even if the world has not caught up yet.
With you in your becoming,
Nakashwa The Wild Womxn
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